Top 5 “Disappointing” Movies/TV Shows of 2016

Most film ‘worst’ lists have truly detestable entries; here, I instead opted to put the ones that frustrated and angered me because they had the potential to be something special…but failed.

What is on this list are films I was genuinely excited to see - and then savagely betrayed by. That doesn’t mean that they’re all unworthwhile and terrible throughout. You may even love some of these, and if you do know I do not think less of you! In fact I commend you, as all of these have worth. For me, however, their flaws were too great to overlook.

The Little Prince

1 ½  out of 5 Bones

Directed by: Mark Osborne 

 Screenplay by: Irena Brignull and Bob Persichetti 

Story by: Mark Osborne and Bob Persichetti 

Based on: The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry 

Cinematography: Adel Abada Kris Kapp

Release date: 2016

Allow me to explain myself. Yes, the paper stop-motion was extraordinary. Yes, the framing story between Antoine de Saint-Exupéry and the little girl actually did touch on some amazing concepts and was surprisingly touching. Yes, people everywhere seem to love it.

No, I am not one of those people.

One Stormy Night (Arashi no Yoru ni) (2005)

4.5/5 Bones

Logline: A wolf faces the scorn of his pack when he befriends a little goat.

Initial release: December 10, 2005

Director: Gisaburō Sugii

Adapted from: Arashi no Yoru ni

Language: Japanese (English Dub available)

My god, how does a film meant for preschoolers manage to play me like a pinball machine with no tilt sensitivity? One Stormy Night is a very simple story, yet somehow it wrings every emotional drop out of you. This does not have particularly stunning animation or script, but it knows what so many American children’s films get fundamentally wrong. It knows how to hold a moment instead of jingling movement in your face.

The lowdown: A goat named Mei is caught out during a thunderstorm. He loses his companions in the commotion and runs into a decrepit shack to wait out the weather. Later, he’s joined by a wolf named Gabu, but the darkness and mutual colds prevent them from identifying each other as an enemy. As the storm rages on, the two converse, and find themselves getting on. As the storm ends, they agree to meet the next day in the light. Even after discovering their physical differences, the two decide to continue meeting in secret and form a strong bond. Eventually it all goes wrong, of course.

Moana

3.8/5 Bones

Initial release: November 23, 2016

Directors: John Musker, Ron Clements

Production Company: Disney Animation

Music: Lin-Manuel Miranda, Opetaia Foa'i, Mark Mancina

You know what? Disney is getting really, really good at apologizing for past films with new films. Seriously, this is good for them. First they make Frozen to apologize for all the bad relationship advice of the early Disney films. Then Zootopia to apologize for Song of the South. And now we get Moana, which feels like an apology for all the films Disney made that clearly did not respect or attempt to authentically represent the native culture of the source material. In particular, I think it’s apologizing for Pocahontas. Everything that film did wrong is painstakingly corrected here. So, this is the big Disney animated film of the year, up against the earlier ‘B’ film that was Zootopia, a new classic favourite of mine. How does it fare?

Halloween on Netflix: 6 Spooky Things To Give A Chance (+ Review of The VVitch)

IT’S NEARLY HERE. GUYS. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I LOVE HALLOWEEN. I HATE ALL CAPS SENTENCES BUT I LOVE HALLOWEEN SO MUCH I OVERCAME THAT HATRED.

Every year I try to marinate myself in as much Halloween goodness as possible, and while most of my favourite Halloween films are not on Netflix, I appreciate the chance it gives me to try new titles. So here are some of the films I’ve been binging that I think might put you in the mood.

___________

One You Can Watch Instead of Reading the Book

Extraordinary Tales (2015)

Dir. Various

3.4/ 5 Bones

Every Halloween requires Edgar Allen Poe as an ingredient. Extraordinary Tales is a series of animated shorts in various styles, covering various poems or novellas by the droopiest moustache in all of Victorian fiction. I really enjoyed this one, though I did watch it in chunks. They attempt to tie all the shorts together with a ghastly original poem in which Poe’s spirit takes the form of a crow and speaks with the personification of death. Poe is even more emo as a crow than he is in The Raven, a feat of some magnitude. If you can squirm through those awful but mercifully short celluloid stitches, you’ll get to a collection of truly interesting adaptations. The directing is often far too fast-paced - Poe needs time to build dread and despair - but the aesthetics are all unique enough to keep you curious for each tale.

Kubo and the Two Strings

Initial release: August 18, 2016

Director: Travis Knight

Production company: LAIKA

Distributed by: Focus Features

3.8/5 Bones

So I guess everyone was expecting this review from me awhile ago, huh? I saw the film opening night and then it was radio silence from me. To be fair I did put out two reviews that week, but it’s been ages since then. Yeah, I’ve been busy, but I’ve also had a really hard time gathering my thoughts on this film.

Sausage Party

Release date: August 12, 2016 (Canada)

Directors: Conrad Vernon, Greg Tiernan

Edited by Kevin Pavlovic

Production companies: Nitrogen Studios, Annapurna Pictures, Point Grey Pictures

⅘ Bones

It’s a well-known fact that inside everyone lives a 13-year-old boy. His first language is Sarcasm and his second is Eye-rolling.  He doodles penises on his desk and notebooks and sometimes sticks them in the bag of a pretty girl. He thinks saying swear words make him more grown-up but has to stop himself from giggling when he murmurs ‘fuck you’ to his teacher’s retreating back.

Finding Dory

* ⅘ Bones *

So here's a very good animated film about living with disability/ having a child with a disability. Whoa. There is no one other than Pixar that has proven themselves capable of approaching this subject matter.

Suicide Squad

Nice things first: The marketing campaign for this film was brilliant. The trailers were fun and punchy, but the real star were the fantastic illustrated posters. It’s very rare to get illustrated posters these days and these looked amazing.

1.5 / 5 Bones

Directed By: David Ayer

Written By: David Ayer

In Theaters: August 4, 2016 

Studio: DC Pictures, Warner Brothers

My brother used to rewatch movies constantly. I don’t remember what umpteenth time it was when Peter Pan flew across my screen that I started to hate him. I don’t remember how old I was when I started hoping that the movie would end differently just once, and maybe, this time, Captain Hook would win. Maybe just this once, he could get what he so desperately wanted.

But every time, the film ended the same way: Captain Hook running across the water to escape a salivating crocodile with a speed that surely would’ve impressed Big J himself. So ended most of the Disney films. Watch them on repeat enough, and maybe, like me, you’ll start to feel that itch. The urge to rebel against the gears of the story, the formula assuming you’d cheer for the character they’ve decided is dull enough to be the protagonist - after all, you have to like them - they’re the good guys. They’re going to win. And you, dear audience -  you like winners.

Only...most people don't feel like winners. Sometimes we can kid ourselves into thinking we are the protagonists of our stories, maybe sometimes we can even trick ourselves into thinking all of space and time came together just so our story could unfold. At the end of the day, though… it can feel as if the person writing your script doesn’t feel the same way. Maybe that's why, as a fallible kid, I related to the constant failures and character flaws only villains seemed to share with me.

This is relatable to me for some reason. 

Star Trek: Beyond

Directed By: Justin Lin

Written By: Doug Jung , Simon Pegg

(WHEE yes thank you! All hail the Pegg!)

In Theaters: Jul 22, 2016 wide

Studio:Paramount Pictures

*3 / 5 Bones*

You know what I hate?...

You’re gonna hate me for it.

...

Zombies.

There, I said it.

Phantom Boy

*2.5/5 Bones*

Directors: Alain Gagnol, Jean-Loup Felicioli

Release: October 14, 2015 (France), July 29th, 2016 (Canada)

Language: French, English Dubbed

(I saw the GKids English dub of this film)

Conventional wisdom has it that if you have to, pick substance over style. But once in awhile something comes along that looks so different from convention that it can hold your attention, even as the story fails to be as interesting.

April and the Extraordinary World / Avril et le monde truqué

* 3.9/5 Bones *

Release date: February 19, 2016 (Canada) 
Directors: Franck Ekinci, Christian Desmares 
Story by: Jacques Tardi 
Production companies: Canal+, Eurimages 

Language: French, English Subtitles

What was the first comic you ever read? If it was Marvel or DC Superhero comics, there’s a good chance that their ascension to the silver screen was something that excited you. Me, eh, as a kid, couldn’t care less about the body-painted streakers. I read my father’s comics - the French classics of The Adventures of Tintin and The Adventures of Asterix were the favourite of my brother and I. When I saw the trailers and concept art for April and the Extraordinary World, it looked more Tintin than the Tintin film. Its drawing style, magic-like technology and mystery investigation seemed a love letter to Hergé. Throw a couple of boobs and a black bob on that Tintin doll I know some of you have (koff koff Alex), add a dollop of steampunk, and let’s see if April can stand up to the nostalgia of childhood and the brutishness of a freshly graduated animation student.